With tongue in cheek, a combination lock on my wallet, fear of death from eating non sustainable foods, raw eggs, rare meat or non organic fruit, choking on polluted air, burning up as the earth warms or being eaten by impending socialism and the swine flu. I bravely look at 2009's award winners!
THE BIGGEST LOST OPPORTUNITY AWARD
Hands down, this belongs to the newly inaugurated President of the United States. History was made, a minority was elected as president. The opportunity to destroy myths and prejudice were in his hands. To this point, he has failed miserably.
All that has been proven is that a Community Organizer is not equipped to lead anything larger than a city block. More about this on Jan. 18 when we present the year one report card.
THE HERO(S) OF THE YEAR AWARD
THERE ARE TWO RECIPIENTS - First as always the brave men and woman of the US Armed Forces. Without them I would not be free to write this piece and you would not be able to read it. When you see a member of our military thank them, it means more than you know.
SULLY - Yes the pilot who landed his plane in the Hudson river. His calm decision making, quick action and professionalism deserve this award. And all of this was accomplished while he was admittedly "scared to death".
DUMB AND DUMBER AWARD
AGAIN WE HAVE TWO WINNERS, BOTH FROM "THE FRIENDLY SKIES".
First the pilot and co-pilot who crashed their commuter plane into a house during a snow storm in Buffalo, NY. They are no longer with us nor are their passengers. Tragedy is not funny, however the cockpit tapes indicate that the "mile high" club was being attended.
The pilot and co-pilot in charge of the Northwest flight that over flew the Minneapolis airport by 150 miles. There are no words to describe this type of idiocy. Maybe it can be blamed on George W. Bush!!!!!
SOCIAL EVENT OF THE YEAR AWARD
Another no brainer. The White House Beer Bash. Cambridge, Mass. police are still idiot's the Harvard professor has kept his position and the Cambridge police officer is still putting his life on the line to protect him. HOW IS THAT CHANGE YOU CAN COUNT ON WORKING OUT FOR YOU? Looks more like bigotry than change.
THE KAOPECTATE AWARD
There were so many deserving nominees, it was almost impossible to eliminate them all. After much consternation I have selected the following, for their ability to upset my stomach and keep me in the bathroom:
Vice President Joe Biden - Hopefully there will be a cure for foot and mouth disease before he is out of office. Has anyone seen the V.P. overseeing the stimulus money??? MORE CHANGE THAT YOU CAN COUNT ON!
Speaker Nancy Pelosi -She is an expert at un truths, but accusing the CIA of lying really crosses the line. Apparently, The Speaker can't tell the truth from a face lift. If she wants to look at a fabricator she should look in the mirror, if she can stand it!
Sen. Harry Reid - The next time he is right will be the first! To the people of Nevada, Please get this guy a job cleaning casino bathrooms next year. He has demonstrated that he knows how to "shovel" stuff.
Former Vice President Al Gore - I am amazed that this guy is still in the public light. From inventing the Internet to producing a computer generated film. His chutzpah in continuing the charade(s) is amazing!
I need the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!
WILLIE THE ACTOR SUTTON AWARD
FYI - Willie "the actor" Sutton was famous for having the ability to break out of any jail in the US. In essence, he could get away with anything:
AND THE WINNERS ARE - Bill Mahre who referred to the president and his wife in ethnic slurs. Which I will not repeat. Mr. Mahre is a "lefty" he can say or do anything and get a free pass! CAN YOU SAY DUEL STANDARD?
Congressman Charles Rangle - Tax evasion investigation and generally inept, yet he too gets a free pass. Lets fantasize about him being Caucasian and Republican!!!!!!! Hey Chuck who pays for those $2,000.00 suits?
THE ATHLETE OF THE YEAR
Again this year it is Tiger Woods. We knew of his golfing skills, we now know that his accomplishments on the links were achieved while his mind was elsewhere. IT'S HIS BUSINESS - LETS LEAVE HIM ALONE. Remember, a cover up begets a cover up!
THE BIG HEART AWARD
Jay Leno for giving the people of Detroit Michigan three free shows. Good work Jay, hopefully the audience understood your jokes.
Gary Senise - for all that he does for our troops.
THEY LEFT US IN '09
Paul Harvey - GOOD DAY we now know "the rest of the story" and thanks.
Bea Arthur - She made us laugh - she will be missed.
Ed Mc Mahon - From Baltimore to Philadelphia, New York to L.A. From wealth to the sad ending. A unique personality. Heeers to you Ed.
Farrah Faucett - Perhaps the first sex symbol since Monroe! Class to the very end!
Harry Kalis - The voice that succeeded Facenda. He was one of the best at drawing word pictures for over 30 years. Harry you will never be "OUTTA HERE".
Unis Kennedy Schreiber- She never let her name or social position stand in the way of her dream of bringing pride to those who needed it! The "special Olympics" are truly special because of her.
Oscar Mayer - He was far more than a "worsht macher". He was to food processing what Henry Ford was to the car. A live hog went in one door and hot dogs, bacon, etc. went out the other. We can also thank him for heart burn and cholesterol.
Walter Cronkite - Age took it's toll, he was the "most trusted man in America", back in the day. We will never forget him on that fateful November afternoon, "The president has died". Or the hot July afternoon, no words, just his expression when man walked on the moon.
TED KENNEDY - You either loved him or hated him, there was little mid ground. No matter which side of the scale you were on, you had to respect his desire to serve. Frankly, he was never my favorite, we did agree on good scotch and his propensity for woman!
DAILY NEWSPAPERS - the Chicago Tribune, L.A. Times and other big hitters are in some form of bankruptcy. The N.Y times is struggling as well as their subsidiary the Boston Globe. Frankly, good riddance to them all. They have reaped what they have sewn.
MICHAEL JACKSON - we can't take anything away from his on stage talent. We can feel badly for the lack of a childhood. Was it all really worth it?
Finally, I look back at The stimulus plan which seems to need Viagara to get started, David Letterman who thought that rape was a joke until he got caught with his hand in the (you fill in the rest). Crises which should never be wasted and a beauty pageant contestant who lost her crown because she spoke her true feelings!
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND LETS LOOK AHEAD TO 2010 LATER IN THE WEEK.
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